Dr Pamela Rutledge
If you’re a parent, you’ve probably had those moments: you walk into the room, and your child is once again glued to a screen — watching videos, gaming, scrolling, or caught up in something you barely recognise.
How to Raise Kids Who Use Tech Well — Not Just Often
Inspired by Dr Pamela Rutledge, Media Psychologist
It’s easy to sigh and think, “Here we go again…” But media psychologist Dr Pamela Rutledge — known widely as Dr Pam — wants us to look a little deeper.
Her research into how technology affects our minds and relationships reveals a crucial truth: the issue isn’t the screen — it’s how we use it.
“Technology amplifies human behaviour,” says Dr Pam. “It’s not good or bad — it just reflects who we are and what we do with it.”
Tech Isn’t the Enemy — It’s a Mirror
Dr Pam encourages parents to move away from fear-based thinking and see technology as a mirror for what kids care about and how they learn.
A child building in Minecraft is experimenting with design and problem-solving.
A teen watching tutorials on YouTube might be exploring identity or creativity.
Even scrolling TikTok can be a form of social exploration — a way to understand trends, humour, or belonging.
In one of her blog posts, Dr Pam points out that:
“Kids use various platforms, games, and apps to communicate, do schoolwork, conduct research, be entertained, get news, and stay connected to friends.”
So instead of asking “How do I stop this?”, she suggests asking “What does this tell me about my child?”
When we pay attention to what they’re drawn to online, we often find clues about their interests, fears, and social world.
What About YouTube and Online Videos?
YouTube can be a sore spot for many parents — endless videos, algorithm loops, and content that ranges from inspiring to… questionable.
Dr Pam has addressed this too. She explains that the fascination with platforms like YouTube often comes from psychological rewards — curiosity, excitement, and emotional connection.
In her discussion of “unboxing” videos and online content aimed at kids, she points out that these experiences trigger anticipation and comfort, similar to storytelling or play. Watching others unwrap or discover something stimulates imagination and emotional engagement.
Rather than banning YouTube altogether, Dr Pam encourages parents to co-view and guide:
Watch a few videos together and ask, “What do you like about this?” Help children recognise when content is trying to sell to them versus when it’s purely entertaining. Discuss what’s real, what’s exaggerated, and how it makes them feel.
She warns that over-restricting or “fear-based” limits don’t teach the skills children actually need.
“A generation of anxious parents is buying into fear-based tech restrictions that will not protect kids nor prepare them for the digital world.”
In other words, we can’t bubble-wrap our kids from YouTube — but we can help them watch with awareness.
Connection Over Control
Dr Pam’s mantra for digital parenting is simple: connection beats control.
Children listen more and learn more when they feel seen, not judged. If you join them in their online world — even for a few minutes — you’re teaching them how to navigate it thoughtfully.
“Digital parenting is less about managing devices,” she says, “and more about mentoring kids in how to manage themselves.”
That mindset encourages trust, communication, and long-term digital confidence.
Model the Behaviour You Want to See
Our kids watch us as much as we watch them.
If we’re constantly scrolling, they learn that’s normal. If we put our phones away at dinner, they notice that too.
So instead of policing screen time, try modelling screen sense — show your children how to use technology with balance and purpose.
Create “no-phone zones” for everyone (including adults!). Share when you’re using tech for creativity or learning. Celebrate moments of real-world connection — a walk, a meal, a chat — just as much as online achievements.
Turning Screen Time Into Skill Time
Dr Pam likes to reframe technology as a tool for growth, not a trap.
Encourage your child to:
Create (film, code, draw, edit, make music) instead of just consume. Collaborate — share projects, ideas, or games with friends or family. Reflect — talk about what they enjoy online and why.
When we help kids use technology with curiosity and intention, they become more resilient and emotionally intelligent digital citizens.
“Technology should make our lives bigger — not smaller.”
— Dr Pamela Rutledge
And that’s exactly what we want for our children — to live bigger lives in both the real and digital worlds.
Insights inspired by Dr Pamela Rutledge, Media Psychologist and Director of the Media Psychology Research Center — pamelarutledge.com
