Jordan Shapiro on Kids & Tech: What Every Parent Needs to Know

Written by Richard – a tech professional and dad who understands that technology is not the enemy; disconnection is. This guide explores Jordan Shapiro’s approach to digital parenting – one that is refreshingly free of fear and grounded in connection.

The Screen Problem That Isn’t Really a Problem

I speak to parents all the time who say something like: “I just wish my kids would get off their screens.” There is a tiredness in that sentence. A sense that screens are pulling their children away from something better – from real life, from connection, from whatever childhood “should” be.

But here is what Jordan Shapiro – an educator, author, and media scholar – argues in his book The New Childhood: Raising Kids to Thrive in a Connected World: the problem is not screens. The problem is loneliness.

When a child spends hours on a device alone, scrolling or gaming with no adult engagement, that is when problems emerge. But when a child is using technology – and an adult is present, curious, and genuinely engaged – something completely different happens. Connection happens.

Think about it: your grandparents probably worried when television arrived. Parents in the 1980s worried about video games. We worried about the internet. Each generation saw the new thing and said, “This is not real play. This is not real learning. This is not real life.”

And yet here we are. Technology is not going anywhere.

It’s Not About Banning Tech – It’s About Joining It

Shapiro’s central idea sounds simple: instead of pulling children away from screens, join them at the screen.

Instead of “Stop playing that game,” try: “Can I watch for a bit? What is happening in this level?” Instead of “Get off YouTube,” try: “Who is this creator? Why do you like watching them?” Instead of restricting Roblox, try: “Show me what you have built. Tell me about it.”

This is not permission to let children do whatever they want online. It is something far more powerful: it is active parenting in the digital space. You are present. You are curious. You are showing your child that you take their digital life seriously because you take them seriously.

Why This Matters More Than Screen Time Limits

Most parenting advice focuses on time: “Keep screens to one hour per day.” “No devices after 8pm.” “Tech-free Sundays.” These rules have their place, but Shapiro argues they miss the deeper truth: what matters is not how much time your child spends with technology, but whether they are spending it with awareness, intention, and – crucially – with adult guidance.

A child playing Minecraft for two hours, designing and building and problem-solving, with a parent nearby asking questions and showing genuine interest? That is vastly different from a child scrolling TikTok alone for 30 minutes, feeling anxious and disconnected.

Time limits alone do not teach your child how to use technology well. But presence does. Curiosity does. Engagement does.

Tech Time as Family Time: Three Practical Ways

So what does this actually look like in a real home, with real kids and real schedules? Here are three ways to shift from “get off the screen” to “let’s explore this together.”

From Screen Fear to Digital Confidence

Most parenting advice about technology is rooted in fear. Fear that screens are addictive. Fear that they will rot your child’s brain. Fear that they are replacing “real” childhood.

Shapiro flips this. Instead of fear, he offers something more useful: reframing. Technology is not inherently bad – it is a tool. And like any tool, it can be used badly or well.

What Technology Can Actually Teach Your Child

• Problem-solving: Video games (especially puzzle games, building games, strategy games) require kids to analyse problems and test solutions. That is real thinking.
• Creativity: Minecraft, digital art tools, video editors – these are not distractions. They are creative outlets as valid as a sketchbook or building blocks.
• Teamwork and communication: Online gaming with friends teaches kids how to collaborate, communicate, and work towards shared goals under pressure.
• Curiosity and learning: A YouTube tutorial on coding, origami, science, history – technology makes learning available 24/7 in ways it has never been before.
• Empathy: Many games involve understanding characters’ motivations, moral choices, and consequences. That builds emotional intelligence.

None of this means screens are perfect. Of course there is bad content. Of course there are design tricks meant to keep kids scrolling. But the answer is not to ban technology – it is to teach children to use it thoughtfully.

And that is a message that resonates. Technology is not going anywhere. Your child will graduate, get a job, raise a family in a digital world. So the question is not “How do I keep them off screens?” but “How do I teach them to use screens well?”

The Limits Still Matter – But They Look Different

Shapiro is not saying “let kids do whatever they want online.” He is saying something more nuanced: limits matter, but they work best when they come from connection, not control.

What Healthy Limits Look Like

• No screens during family meals. This is not because screens are evil – it is because connection matters more in that moment.
• Bedtime boundaries. A device in bed is a genuine sleep disruptor. That is science, not scaremongering.
• Tech-free moments. A walk. A board game. Time outside. Not because you are banning screens, but because balance is real and necessary.
• Age-appropriate content. A 7-year-old does not need unsupervised access to YouTube. A 15-year-old can have more freedom. This is common sense, not control.

But the crucial difference is this: when these limits come from a place of genuine care and connection – when your child knows you set them because you love them and understand the research, not because you fear technology – they are far more likely to respect and internalise them.

Model What You Want to See

Here is something I have noticed from taking things apart and understanding how systems work: children are not fooled by hypocrisy. If you tell them to get off screens whilst you are scrolling, they notice. They notice hard.

Shapiro emphasises that modelling is everything. If you want your child to use technology intentionally, you have to use it intentionally. If you want them to put their phone away at dinner, you have to put yours away. If you want them to think critically about what they see online, they need to see you doing that.

• Show your child when you are using tech for a real purpose. “I am learning how to fix this” or “I am video-calling Grandma.” Make intention visible.
• Show them when you choose to log off. “I have been on my phone for 20 minutes. I am going to put it away now.”
• Be honest about struggles. “I check my phone too much sometimes too. It is not always easy to step away.”

Your child will learn more from watching you navigate technology thoughtfully than from any rule you create.

Preparation Over Protection

Shapiro’s whole philosophy rests on one idea: we cannot protect our children from the digital world by keeping them away from it. But we can prepare them for it.

That means:

• Teaching critical thinking. “Is this real? Who made this? What are they trying to make me feel or do?”
• Building resilience. Talking about unkindness online, about being pressured, about feeling left out because of social media – not to scare them, but to prepare them.
• Creating safe spaces to talk. If your child knows they can come to you with problems without judgment, they will. That is the real protection.
• Encouraging creativity and purpose. When technology is a tool for making things and connecting with people they care about, the risks diminish naturally.

The goal is not a child who avoids screens. The goal is a child who uses screens wisely – who knows how to create, how to connect, how to question, and how to step away. That is a child prepared for the digital world, not shielded from it.